And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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