How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize