He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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