Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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