Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
