You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
