Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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