Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Text me some of your sweat
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize