I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
