If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
