my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
