All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
