Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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