wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
