I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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