This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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