i just had sex bonerless
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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