4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Alive.
So much puke
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
