Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish you could order shots online.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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