I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
