I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
