I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
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