wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
