Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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