Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Boobs speak an international language.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
