someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
