Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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