I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
