you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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