He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
