Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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