fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
