I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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