Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have already put on my inside pants.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
