its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
