A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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