I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
