Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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