I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
