Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
