He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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