who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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