I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
