Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
