I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
