I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
