Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
