and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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