hotel room ftw
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
