I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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