Did we literally take a cab across the street
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
