Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
