If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
