I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
