I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
