i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
