Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
