Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize