I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
