I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Vodka?
Forever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
