I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
