my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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