I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
