She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
