But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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