i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
