he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I smell like Dick and happiness
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
