your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
