Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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